So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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