i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
