Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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