she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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