For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
