8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
