All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
