no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
