It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
