Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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