Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
