ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
