This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
