her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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