I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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