i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
