So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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