That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
