I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
