Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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