I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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