so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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