i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
