craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
