The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
