I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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