there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
