ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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