There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
