Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
