I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
