dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
