I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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