don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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