just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
