haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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