PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
