i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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