Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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