I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think people are normalizing furries
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
