your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My feet surprised me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
