he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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