All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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