Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
