honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
