i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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