I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
People with herpes should wear stickers.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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