I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
