Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
