I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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