so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
