i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
