Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
