So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
